It's December. Things are busy.
That's to be expected. Shopping, baking, kids' homework and activities. Cooking meals, packing lunches, nurturing friendships and nurturing my own soul.
It all takes time and effort. It keeps life busy.
For so long I viewed this "busy-ness" through a negative lens. The introvert in me wanted to just stay home. The farmer kid in me wanted to believe that free play was the best activity for my kids. The protective mom wanted to shield them from the hustle and the hurry. So when our weeks quickly filled up to the point of having but a single night to stay home, I allowed myself to be overcome with guilt and shame at the life I was allowing my family to live.
At least that was how I looked at it up until a few weeks ago.
It was a warm November Thursday afternoon and I was reflecting on the responses I had given that morning to the question, "How are you?" My answers all sounded a lot like, "Busy...ya, things are chaotic right now. I'm just glad I made it on time. Score one for me!" Then I wrapped up the conversation with a loud sigh, a roll of my eyes and a quick change of topic before they asked me to elaborate: Choirs twice a week, luge once a week, and piano are year long commitments. Scattered throughout the seasons can also be found orienteering, ski lessons (and just skiing for fun), speed skating (and just skating for fun), and wall climbing.
Laid out like that, I feel like a crazy person! I feel like a mom that's over-scheduling her kids and doing them a huge disservice in this age when they could be riding bikes around the block and playing the with neighbour kids (assuming the neighbour kids were home).
That afternoon as I drove home, I came to the realization that I needed to examine this shame I was hauling around and figure out how I really felt about our schedule. Here's what I concluded:
I love my life!
As crazy and chaotic as it is and as much as most days I feel more like a chauffeur than a parent, I love every second.
It only takes my youngest crawling into the car after orienteering, sweaty and out of breath but beaming from ear to ear and raving about what she did that night - I love it! It only takes hearing my eight year old talk about how incredible it feels to feel the wind in her face as she skates at the oval - I love it! It only takes my eldest declaring that she always feels better, happier, after a sliding session at the track - I love it! I love their excitement over finding a minor scale on the piano, all on their own. I love their excitement when they ride the chairlift for the very first time. I love watching their hands hit the top of the wall and then their level of complete trust as they kick off and allow themselves to be lowered to the ground. I love watching them learn and grow and challenge themselves and succeed in ways no one could have ever expected.
I love it!
Yes, we are a busy family. Yes, we have weeks when we'd like to just let it all go. Yes, there are days when I just want to hide because I'm so tired of not being home.
But then there's all the rest...
Those days I see how I am blessed beyond belief.
Those days I am overwhelmed with gratitude beyond words.
I love my life.
